


Hoshito

by icemakestars



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Confessions, F/M, Kissing, M/M, genderfluid Natsu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 14:32:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7056421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemakestars/pseuds/icemakestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After two months of dating, Natsu finally tells Gray the truth: he- she- is genderfluid. Despite the initial shock, Gray realises that he doesn't really mind having both a boyfriend and a girlfriend, although not at the same time. He is bisexual, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hoshito

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I do not see enough portrayals of genderfluid characters in the media. In this little ficlet, Natsu is genderfluid. When feeling female, her name is ‘Hoshito’ (星 (hoshi) meaning "star", and 翔 (to) meaning "soar, glide" or斗 (to), which refers to a Chinese constellation). 
> 
> This is not a 100% accurate portrayal of every genderfluid person ever, because it’s impossible to generalise an entire group of people as Natsu states in the work. 
> 
> Thank you to @purpleddragon (on tumblr) who not only answered every single weird and probably intrusive question I had, but also gave me courage that this doesn’t suck completely. I hope you all enjoy it, as well!

"Are you home, Natsu?" Gray called out, already pushing the door fully open. Even if he was in town, Gray would just wait for him. When he was met with nothing except silence, Gray decided that Natsu really was out and kicked his shoes off by the door.

"Ahh- I'm home." A reply- light, airy, and far less aggressive than usual- finally came from Natsu's bedroom, and Gray understood. In many ways, he was still correct; Natsu was not home. But when Gray padded into the bedroom and his eyes fell on to the pink-haired form hunched studiously over the bed, Gray knew that he loved this person just as much.  

Gray walked forward and pressed his lips against Hoshito's forehead firmly,  

"Hello, sweetheart."

She hummed in response, already thrusting two small vials into Gray's face. Her forehead was creased with concentration, her tongue swiping thoughtfully over her cherry-painted lips.  

"Which colour?" She asked, voice a slow caramel compared to its usual brisk tone.

They were both pink, one the shade of sakura blossom in spring, the other a paler, more gentle tone. Gray did not particularly like either. Instead, he reached between Hoshito's crossed legs and pulled out a bottle filled with sage-green varnish.  

"I like this one better. It matches your stockings, for one..." With his spare hand, Gray ran his fingers over Hoshito's thighs, now concealed with creamy white tights decorated with a green spiral pattern on it. He skipped her middle completely and cupped her cheek, smiling warmly, "And your eyes, for another." 

Hoshito blushed, her gaze diverted bashfully,  

"You just want me to wear my green dress." She muttered.

Gray chuckled as Hoshito unscrewed the bottle cap and rested the jar on a folded newspaper. Tissue was already laid out on her knee, and she rested her palm on it, long fingers flicked up towards the light.  

It was fascinating to watch for Gray, and he eyed the green licks of the brush languidly. Hoshito was right, Gray did feel fond of that green dress; it was what she was wearing when they had first met, after all.

They had been dating for two months when Natsu had first used the word: genderfluid. He had sat Gray down, far more timid than he usually was, and started crying silently.  

Gray had panicked, sure that something was wrong with Natsu, or that he was being dumped. It was only when Gray had calmed Natsu down into coherency was it revealed that Natsu was sure that Gray would end it with him.

"I'm a woman!" Natsu had blurted, immediately covering his mouth in regret.

"W-what?" Gray had stood, eyes flaring in confusion. Natsu rose as well, grabbing Gray's forearms to hold him in place, steadying him.  

"N-not all of the time! But... some of it. Like right now." He stumbled over his words, desperate to be honest and to help his lover to understand.  

Gray had stumbled back a step, frowning.  

"You're not making any fucking sense, Natsu."

"I'm genderfluid, which means I'm not just male or female, or both at the same time, but I am both. On some days, I'm male. I'm Natsu. But on other days..."  

"You're what, Natsu?" Gray still felt stunned. Natsu's eyes had met his, already watering and full of anguish.

"I'm a female." His- no, _her_ \- voice broke completely, dissolving into nothing more than tears of grief. In that moment, with her emotions laid so vulnerable for Gray to see, Hoshito no doubt felt as though she was going to lose her love. Gray was bisexual, and had dated both men and women, but just because he loved Natsu as a man... there was no guarantee that he would fall for Hoshito, as well.  

However, Hoshito was not able to see the conflict raging over Gray's features. On the one hand, he was confused and distressed. This was uncharted territory for him, and he felt the waves of new information begin to choke up his throat and make him feel dizzy. On the other hand, Gray could not stand there as his boyfriend- _girlfriend_ \- cried by herself. No matter how he felt, Gray knew that Natsu felt worse at that moment. He reached forward and pulled Natsu into his arms, cradling her.  

"Show me, Natsu."

Natsu pulled back, blinking in bashful surprise.  

"Um... When I'm like this I prefer 'Hoshito'. Is that- is that maybe okay?" She fiddled with a loose piece of thread on her jacket, not daring to look at Gray's face. He swallowed loudly, but still he nodded.  

"Of course, whatever you'd like... Hoshito?" It tasted strange on Gray's tongue, but the dumbfounded, happy glaze which covered her eyes when he spoke her name was well worth the surrealism of the situation.  

She had nodded, turning to face her wardrobe and then pausing, turning back with a shy smile. "Do you... still want to-to see?"  

It was so difficult to remain composed. Gray wanted to shout that he had never been told about this before, cry at what felt like the loss of his boyfriend, and yet... there was something else. Something new. This side of his lover was not one he was familiar with; quieter, more reserved. Cute, almost. Against his will- and better judgement- Gray felt himself falling in love again.  

"Yes please." The words were a coarse grunt, and he slumped tiredly back into his seat. Hoshito had grabbed a handful of fabrics, brushes and bottles, and scurried off to the bathroom to prepare herself.  

How much time Gray waited, head in his hands and heart thumping erratically, he would never be able to say. But when the door to the bathroom opened and Gray's newly discovered girlfriend stepped out, he didn’t think he had ever stood as quickly in his life.  

The dress Hoshito was wearing was tight fitted, and Gray was surprised by how well it complimented her figure. It was green, with a floral patterned lace arms and back, and a knee-length under-material. Hoshito had done her make-up as well, eyes darkened to hopeful cinders, lips painted with coral gloss and anxious teeth marks.  

Words flitted through Gray's mind at that moment, words which had never fitted Natsu but took to Hoshito like glove. Beautiful. Exquisite. _Breath-taking_. So much fell into place for Gray; why Natsu had started wearing his hair longer and opted for a dark tunic over that half-shirt he had preferred in younger years. Why, on some days, Natsu seemed so fragile and shy, whilst on others he was burly and aggressive. These two stereotypes- what was feminine and what was masculine- all seemed to fit into the same person, and Gray realised that, even though Natsu's gender was not a solid thing, that did not matter to him in the slightest. He was bisexual, after all.

After that first encounter, where Gray discovered that he had a girlfriend and a boyfriend and was actually really okay with that, life with Natsu and Hoshito just... fell into place. Natsu was not as open about his gender identity as he was his sexuality, and so decided to always go by male pronouns. Only when he was at home and felt like a woman did he prefer female pronouns, and Gray found called Hoshito his 'boyfriend' difficult in front of the guild, but he respected her wishes and kissed her sweetly instead, apologising for the misgendering remark and also assuring her that he was on her side. He was always on her side.  

Being with Hoshito for Gray was like falling in love all over again. She was different to Natsu, as would be expected, but that had shocked Gray at first. Less confident and more thoughtful, she enjoyed simply /being/ as opposed to Natsu's erratic, hyperactive behaviour. Her smile was so sweet, and her body so graceful, that it didn't take Gray long to fall completely. It was like every single flaw Natsu had was Hoshito's strength, and every simple thing that let her down was what made Natsu fundamentally himself. At first, Gray had seen them as a whole person, but now he considers them both equals and opposites, two halves of the person he calls his significant other, and yet two different people entirely. For Gray, it was a change of identity, not a split personality, and although he did not fully understand it, he still respected it.  

"Not all genderqueer people use different names." Natsu had stretched his way onto Gray's lap like a cat, sitting with his chest pressed against Gray's, straddling his boyfriend's thighs.  

"How come you do?" Gray hummed, pressing a small kiss onto Natsu's neck.  

"Validation," Natsu scratched his fingers up Gray's back, finishing by tangling them in the mess of hair. "To feel like a woman completely I have to immerse myself, forget about Natsu for a while and be myself, be Hoshito. That's why I prefer using the binary pronouns. Even though I know there are options out there for non-gendered people, I don’t like using them because I _have_  a gender. It just isn't always the same; it's fluid. Plenty of genderfluid people do use them, though, but I guess it's down to preference." He explained.

Gray kissed up Natsu's jaw, tracing his tongue around the sweat beading along that skin as he listened to Natsu talk. He almost felt the change happen. A switch had been flicked, and suddenly it wasn't Natsu who he held in his arms at all. As per usual, they did not talk about it. Gray simply changed his grip on Hoshito's waist, fingers spread in soothing circles as opposed to the tight hold he had previously fashioned.  

They began kissing, Gray lapping softly into her mouth as she hummed around his intrusive tongue. Her body responded to him perfectly, breath hitching in her throat as she grabbed insistently on Gray's bare muscles. Before they went any further, Gray pulled back, resting their foreheads together and humming as her shallow breath fanned over his face. Their fingers found each other, as they always did, and Hoshito pressed a soft kiss against the scar on Gray's forehead.

Any doubts he had had in the beginning had now dissipated, and Gray was becoming more content with his girlfriend and boyfriend. He no longer thought twice about what pronouns to use, or how their future may be affected by his partner's seemingly random fluctuations in gender. Instead Gray simply enjoyed Hoshito and Natsu's company in the same way that any normal, loving boyfriend would. Things such as telling the guild were no doubt important, but they could come much later, when Hoshito was ready. He glanced down at their entwined hands and knew, with a certainty which shocked even himself, that he would wait for that day and be there for Hoshito when it came. Because they may not have forever, but their own little infinity which they had created with hushed whispers and stolen kisses, was enough for them both.  


End file.
